Day Fifty-Taxi cabs

I have a male friend who is the stereotypical "confirmed bachelor".  No, not confirmed bachelor as in he is asexual, but confirmed bachelor as in he has just never wanted to be in a committed relationship.  He's an intelligent, witty, attractive guy with a good career and income, so needless to say, he doesn't have any trouble with dating.  We would at times discuss his current partner and for the most part they were all the female version of him.....intelligent, witty, attractive women.  So one day I asked him why he never got serious with any of them.
He said he just never felt the need to be in that deep of a relationship. He didn't want children....he appreciated his time to himself....and he didn't see how taking that next step with someone would enhance his life in any way.  Hmmmmm.......I had to ponder that one for a while.  Why do we get into relationships???  I always assumed that it is basic human nature. We want to connect with someone...form bonds...romanticize the notion of a partnership.  But is it imperative to living a full life?  For him it wasn't.  I always compared the depth of exchange involved with dating as opposed to a committed relationship to be that of getting a really cool toy but if you're only dating you're not allowed to take it out of the box.  It's there and it's great and even fun in it's own way, but I would much rather take it out and play with it....check out every little detail....maybe take it apart and attempt to put it back together.....no matter how great the toy was, if I couldn't bond with it and know it's hidden secrets there was some facet missing.
And then it happened.  One day we attended the same wedding and there he was with a date....except she wasn't just a date...she was his girlfriend!  At least that's how he introduced her.  So of course, a couple days later I had to get the details.  He said it was like one day he woke up and his light was on.  I had mentioned to him an episode of Sex and the City where they compared single men to cabs.  A cab (man) can be driving round and round picking up and dropping off countless fares (women) and if you happen to be the next woman who gets in just when he turns his light on then you will be the "relationship fare".  It doesn't matter how great the woman is....if the light is not on then he is just not ready for that particular fare.  It's all a matter of timing and chance.
I asked him if she was in any way different from all the previous non-relationship women and really.......she wasn't.  Yes, she was intelligent, witty, and attractive but so were many of the others.  I always assumed that if I was dating someone and they drove off at that deciding point in time then it was something to do with me (doesn't everyone think that?). Are men and women THAT different?  It can't ALL be about timing?  There has to be more to it than that.  He insisted that was it.....his light came on and she got in and now they're married.
Maybe even those decisions that we think we have come up with on our own are really subject to chance.  Maybe if you met someone 59 days ago things would be completely different?  What about 174 days ago?  Or what about that day your phone died so you couldn't receive any messages?  Or perhaps if you didn't have that particular conversation? Or if you chose to wear a red shirt on Friday?  Or that you just decided to respond to an email because they used the word "eclectic"?  Maybe there is something to all those seemingly random choices that we make......it's just that we never get to view the alternate Universe where all the other possibilities take place.

Favorites: Be Mine

"Be my ruckus, my perfect non-sequitur."

Today's Song in my Head: Sarah McLachlan - "Good Enough" (Acoustic)

Favorites: Imagination

"For a relationship to stay alive, love alone is not enough.  Without imagination, love stales into sentiment, duty, boredom.  Relationships fail not because we have stopped loving but because we first stopped imagining."

Day Forty Nine-Just When You Thought It Was Safe To Go Back Online

I have decided to sublet my dating profile to a friend of mine. Okay.....I'm not really subletting but she seems to think that my dating woes stem from user error as opposed to just plain crappy luck.  Yes, yes, I know that I said I was done with the online thing but being that I got suckered into paying for a renewal and seem to do even worse out in the real world, I am allowing her to analyze and make recommendations on my choice of potential dates.  So once again I put my profile out there and I subsequently received this email:
"Hello, Liked your profile would you do 57?  LO!  You want too get off the island and retire?  I am looking for a a sian bride fri love and happiness."
First off "would you do 57?" is probably not a highly recommended way to initiate a dialog.  I can think of (and have received) many worse than that phrase but it would make the Top Ten list of what NOT to write in order to elicit a response.  Mr. 57 apparently lives in Florida....hence his suggestion?...offer?...to retire with him.  Even if there was a compelling reason for me to pack up and relocate to Florida (and not just to meet a 57-year old complete stranger) this sounds like the start to a Movie-of-the-Week plot where I'd be yelling at the tv "What kind of idiot goes across country to meet a stranger?!?!"  And finally, either Mr. 57 has extremely poor writing skills (WTF is "a sian bride fri love and happiness"???) or he might want to disable his autocorrect.
It is soooooo not user error.......

Favorites: Believe

Today's Song in my Head: Massive Attack - "Paradise Circus" (Zeds Dead Remix)