Tuesday, May 29, 2012
Monday, May 28, 2012
Favorites: Imagination
"For a relationship to stay alive, love alone is not enough. Without imagination, love stales into sentiment, duty, boredom. Relationships fail not because we have stopped loving but because we first stopped imagining."
Day Forty Nine-Just When You Thought It Was Safe To Go Back Online
I have decided to sublet my dating profile to a friend of mine. Okay.....I'm not really subletting but she seems to think that my dating woes stem from user error as opposed to just plain crappy luck. Yes, yes, I know that I said I was done with the online thing but being that I got suckered into paying for a renewal and seem to do even worse out in the real world, I am allowing her to analyze and make recommendations on my choice of potential dates. So once again I put my profile out there and I subsequently received this email:
"Hello, Liked your profile would you do 57? LO! You want too get off the island and retire? I am looking for a a sian bride fri love and happiness."
First off "would you do 57?" is probably not a highly recommended way to initiate a dialog. I can think of (and have received) many worse than that phrase but it would make the Top Ten list of what NOT to write in order to elicit a response. Mr. 57 apparently lives in Florida....hence his suggestion?...offer?...to retire with him. Even if there was a compelling reason for me to pack up and relocate to Florida (and not just to meet a 57-year old complete stranger) this sounds like the start to a Movie-of-the-Week plot where I'd be yelling at the tv "What kind of idiot goes across country to meet a stranger?!?!" And finally, either Mr. 57 has extremely poor writing skills (WTF is "a sian bride fri love and happiness"???) or he might want to disable his autocorrect.
It is soooooo not user error.......
"Hello, Liked your profile would you do 57? LO! You want too get off the island and retire? I am looking for a a sian bride fri love and happiness."
First off "would you do 57?" is probably not a highly recommended way to initiate a dialog. I can think of (and have received) many worse than that phrase but it would make the Top Ten list of what NOT to write in order to elicit a response. Mr. 57 apparently lives in Florida....hence his suggestion?...offer?...to retire with him. Even if there was a compelling reason for me to pack up and relocate to Florida (and not just to meet a 57-year old complete stranger) this sounds like the start to a Movie-of-the-Week plot where I'd be yelling at the tv "What kind of idiot goes across country to meet a stranger?!?!" And finally, either Mr. 57 has extremely poor writing skills (WTF is "a sian bride fri love and happiness"???) or he might want to disable his autocorrect.
It is soooooo not user error.......
Saturday, May 26, 2012
Wednesday, May 23, 2012
Day Forty Eight-Chemistry
I recently read an article about chemistry and dating that included the following points:
1. "Women want to date men who smell like their fathers." I really don't recall my dad having any particular scent (except for the occasional Old Spice aftershave...which really just triggers the "old man smell" flashback). He used to smell like cigarettes (which doesn't appeal to me in the least) and sometimes a bit grubby (which also doesn't appeal to me); however, I do have vivid memories of every one of his t-shirts having banana goo stains on them. Does that count?
2. "Being on hormonal birth control can change a woman's taste in men." Apparently the hormone in pills can lead you to choose men with more pronounced masculine features (uh.....WTH does that mean? Hairier backs? Arnold Schwarzenegger jaws? They can't possibly be intending to head down to the nether region with that comment...can they?) and manly traits are linked to high testosterone levels (aggressive behavior, higher divorce rates). BUT then in the next paragraph they say:
Look for someone whose hand features a long fourth finger (a ring finger that is longer than the index finger). This supposedly indicates a higher testosterone level in the womb and will correlate to a man who tends to be logical, decisive, and ambitious. Hmmmmmmm........both my ring fingers are longer than my index fingers...what does THAT mean? I'm certainly not very logical, decisive, or ambitious and I really hope that I don't exhibit any masculine physical traits.....
3. "Adrenaline helps you bond with your date quickly." So why is it when you sleep with someone on the first date (a MAJOR adrenaline rush), it tends to destroy any potential bond?
1. "Women want to date men who smell like their fathers." I really don't recall my dad having any particular scent (except for the occasional Old Spice aftershave...which really just triggers the "old man smell" flashback). He used to smell like cigarettes (which doesn't appeal to me in the least) and sometimes a bit grubby (which also doesn't appeal to me); however, I do have vivid memories of every one of his t-shirts having banana goo stains on them. Does that count?
2. "Being on hormonal birth control can change a woman's taste in men." Apparently the hormone in pills can lead you to choose men with more pronounced masculine features (uh.....WTH does that mean? Hairier backs? Arnold Schwarzenegger jaws? They can't possibly be intending to head down to the nether region with that comment...can they?) and manly traits are linked to high testosterone levels (aggressive behavior, higher divorce rates). BUT then in the next paragraph they say:
Look for someone whose hand features a long fourth finger (a ring finger that is longer than the index finger). This supposedly indicates a higher testosterone level in the womb and will correlate to a man who tends to be logical, decisive, and ambitious. Hmmmmmmm........both my ring fingers are longer than my index fingers...what does THAT mean? I'm certainly not very logical, decisive, or ambitious and I really hope that I don't exhibit any masculine physical traits.....
3. "Adrenaline helps you bond with your date quickly." So why is it when you sleep with someone on the first date (a MAJOR adrenaline rush), it tends to destroy any potential bond?
Sunday, May 20, 2012
Saturday, May 19, 2012
Day Forty Seven-Interpretation
I've mentioned several times about my obsession with signs. I really do believe that the Universe sends us hints in the form of signs....coincidences....serendipity......unfortunately, to this day, I really have no idea on how to interpret those signs and sometimes it just kills me.
For instance, within the past few weeks I've had several misters from the past suddenly reappear. POOF....out of the blue. One sent a text...one of those "how have you been?" texts....another appeared in person....today I literally nearly ran into one merging onto the freeway....and then finally one who I blogged about (Agent J) appeared in my email inbox because apparently he is back on the dating site (no...don't worry, I won't bother him again). WTF does it all mean??? Is it just random coincidences with no meaning whatsoever? Is the Universe trying to tell me something? And if so, why can't the Universe spell it out clearly in Arial font size 12???
A few years ago I lost four very dear friends within about a year's time. All were near my age (or younger) and all happened rather suddenly and unexpectedly. I had to take that as some sort of sign. Besides the grief of losing people that I loved, I also felt the grief of things left unsaid. Everyone always says "I'm sure they knew how you felt.".......and, for the most part, I am sure that's correct.....but then why do I still feel regret at not having expressed those things?
So I took the message from that difficult time to mean that I need to consciously live my life with the absolute least amount of regret humanly possible. Say too much....feel too much....try too much:
"I must learn to love the fool in me...the one who feels too much, talks too much, takes too many chances, wins sometimes and loses often, lacks self-control, loves and hates, hurts and gets hurt, promises and breaks promises, laughs and cries. It alone protects me against that utterly self-controlled, masterful tyrant whom I also harbor and who would rob me of my human aliveness, humility, and dignity but for my Fool."
And while I am glad that I have come to this conclusion, it still doesn't explain the recent blast from the past as far as dating. I realize that I live on an island but it still seems like way too much coincidence in a compacted amount of time. If you figure it out, please let me know. Thank you.
For instance, within the past few weeks I've had several misters from the past suddenly reappear. POOF....out of the blue. One sent a text...one of those "how have you been?" texts....another appeared in person....today I literally nearly ran into one merging onto the freeway....and then finally one who I blogged about (Agent J) appeared in my email inbox because apparently he is back on the dating site (no...don't worry, I won't bother him again). WTF does it all mean??? Is it just random coincidences with no meaning whatsoever? Is the Universe trying to tell me something? And if so, why can't the Universe spell it out clearly in Arial font size 12???
A few years ago I lost four very dear friends within about a year's time. All were near my age (or younger) and all happened rather suddenly and unexpectedly. I had to take that as some sort of sign. Besides the grief of losing people that I loved, I also felt the grief of things left unsaid. Everyone always says "I'm sure they knew how you felt.".......and, for the most part, I am sure that's correct.....but then why do I still feel regret at not having expressed those things?
So I took the message from that difficult time to mean that I need to consciously live my life with the absolute least amount of regret humanly possible. Say too much....feel too much....try too much:
"I must learn to love the fool in me...the one who feels too much, talks too much, takes too many chances, wins sometimes and loses often, lacks self-control, loves and hates, hurts and gets hurt, promises and breaks promises, laughs and cries. It alone protects me against that utterly self-controlled, masterful tyrant whom I also harbor and who would rob me of my human aliveness, humility, and dignity but for my Fool."
And while I am glad that I have come to this conclusion, it still doesn't explain the recent blast from the past as far as dating. I realize that I live on an island but it still seems like way too much coincidence in a compacted amount of time. If you figure it out, please let me know. Thank you.
Saturday, May 12, 2012
Tuesday, May 8, 2012
Sunday, May 6, 2012
Day Forty Six-Contemplation on Forever
I recently had a conversation with a girlfriend about why I, at 46, am still single. On the one hand, I am flattered that people will actually question why it is...I'm assuming (hopefully accurately) that they ask because they think that I am a suitable enough catch to be in a happy relationship. I think that I'm a relatively good catch.......save for the medical disorder (which I generally have under control)....the eccentricities (none of which are particularly frightening or life-threatening)....and the sixth toe sprouting from my left foot (it can be concealed in shoes)........I did say that I was a RELATIVELY (key word) good catch.
So my friend theorized that everyone has their wants. What is it that you want in a partner? Some go for stability...someone with a good career, looking to have a family, buy a nice house, save for retirement. Others go for their twin...someone exactly like them, have the same hobbies, participate in the same activities, like the same food. Others go for the emotional rush...someone who will push their buttons, keep them constantly on their toes, lots of great make-up sex. She said it's much easier to find a match for your wants if your wants are pretty basic but when your wants fall in the realm of strange, mystical, metaphysical match-ups......well........it can be rather tricky and for the most part unfulfilled. "Jody, you probably would be married by now if you were simply looking for a smart, funny guy with a decent career and maybe a dog....but you're always looking for something else....something indescribable."
Everyone always says that "you will just know" when you meet the right person for you. WTF does that mean?? Do they smell right? Or maybe it's because they DON'T smell? Is it something they say? Or do? Do you know right away? Or does it take months? Years? I'm probably really confused by it all because I've never been "in love". No, I'm not a coldhearted bastard....I've loved many, many people throughout my life....but "in love"? My qualification of in love would mean that you could see forever with this person. I have never felt forever....I've felt next month....next year....even maybe a couple of years from now.......just not forever.
And sometimes I think that the older you get, the more difficult it becomes to find that person who fills the wants. Perhaps because I've learned to fill most of them on my own at this point....a partner would probably have to bring something that I didn't even realize that I wanted and/or needed. And how do you then ask/look for something when you don't even know what it is yet? That's where the strange, mystical, metaphysical stuff comes in. I told my friend that I could probably give her a very general idea of someone who I'd like to meet but honestly, I think the person that might be my forever is someone that I only know in my soul. Is that the key? Touch someone's soul and everything else falls into place?
So my friend theorized that everyone has their wants. What is it that you want in a partner? Some go for stability...someone with a good career, looking to have a family, buy a nice house, save for retirement. Others go for their twin...someone exactly like them, have the same hobbies, participate in the same activities, like the same food. Others go for the emotional rush...someone who will push their buttons, keep them constantly on their toes, lots of great make-up sex. She said it's much easier to find a match for your wants if your wants are pretty basic but when your wants fall in the realm of strange, mystical, metaphysical match-ups......well........it can be rather tricky and for the most part unfulfilled. "Jody, you probably would be married by now if you were simply looking for a smart, funny guy with a decent career and maybe a dog....but you're always looking for something else....something indescribable."
Everyone always says that "you will just know" when you meet the right person for you. WTF does that mean?? Do they smell right? Or maybe it's because they DON'T smell? Is it something they say? Or do? Do you know right away? Or does it take months? Years? I'm probably really confused by it all because I've never been "in love". No, I'm not a coldhearted bastard....I've loved many, many people throughout my life....but "in love"? My qualification of in love would mean that you could see forever with this person. I have never felt forever....I've felt next month....next year....even maybe a couple of years from now.......just not forever.
And sometimes I think that the older you get, the more difficult it becomes to find that person who fills the wants. Perhaps because I've learned to fill most of them on my own at this point....a partner would probably have to bring something that I didn't even realize that I wanted and/or needed. And how do you then ask/look for something when you don't even know what it is yet? That's where the strange, mystical, metaphysical stuff comes in. I told my friend that I could probably give her a very general idea of someone who I'd like to meet but honestly, I think the person that might be my forever is someone that I only know in my soul. Is that the key? Touch someone's soul and everything else falls into place?
Friday, May 4, 2012
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