crazy

I like to refer to my disorder as my "crazy".  I do realize that's not a particularly politically correct term but it works for me.  I treat it as another entity......sort of like my imaginary frenemy.  For much of my life, my crazy and I were in constant battle for domination but in recent years, we've reached a peaceful truce for control.  Maybe we're both just getting old and tired of fighting.
I bring this up because, like you, I'm often rather frightened by the "crazy" lady walking down the street, pushing her doll in a baby carriage, while cussing and occasionally screaming to herself or the world.  But really.....the difference between that lady and myself is minimal at best.  We both (one would assume) have some type of biological imbalance and were it not for the love and support of my family, most especially my mom, I could have easily gone in her direction.  Just because we each have our "crazy" doesn't mean that she (or others like her) won't scare me but I probably do view her in a slightly more empathetic way than others might.
We are all just one biological malfunction away from illness.....whether it be psychiatric or physiological.  No one chooses to have their "crazy".  For a long time, I was under the misconception that I should somehow be able to shake myself out of it......that it was a sort of mental weakness on my part.  It's difficult enough to navigate through the myriad of twists and turns associated with bipolar disorder and to do so weighed down by guilt and embarrassment can be completely self-defeating.  To this day I still lie when I fill out those personal history forms at the doctor's office.  No.  No history of psychiatric treatment.  Nope.  In my defense, I'm not on any medication any longer so there is no danger of conflicting pharmaceuticals and on the rare occasion when I might need to take medication, I do always note the possible side effects.  Maybe one day I won't feel the need to lie and hide.  I have finally stopped doing it in my personal life so there is always hope.
There is a John Prine song about aging called "Hello In There".  It makes me think about anyone who is somehow trapped.....either inside a body or inside a mind.
"So if you're walking down the street sometime
And spot some hollow ancient eyes,
Please don't just pass 'em by and stare
As if you didn't care, say, 'Hello in there, hello'"

I'm back......

I'm considering resurrecting the blog but there's the issue of subject matter.  I (thankfully for me) no longer have dating mis-adventures to share and (thankfully for my sweetie) I do have a minute amount of discretion that would prevent me from crossing the TMI line regarding our relationship.

The other option involves my bipolar condition.  Since I have become much more open about my disorder, I have met other people sailing in similar boats and that has been an invaluable source of humor and wisdom for me.  It's not a funny condition to be in but I do know that as long as I can still laugh (even if it's a dark, warped, twisted laugh), I'm doing just fine.

So back to the relationship part.  This is the first time that I've ever been in a long distance relationship..........although....when I lived in Long Beach, I did date someone who lived in East LA which really should constitute a long distance relationship in more ways than just miles.

The upside to being in a long distance relationship:

1.  You don't need to shave all the time.

2.  If you're one of those get-in-trouble-for-shopping-all-the-timers, you could easily get away with buying new things because your partner never really sees your closet.

3.  If you get a bad haircut/color, it'll be kinda grown out by the next time that you see them.

4.  You have a lot more Pinterest time.

5.  You never really fight........well, unless you count the times when your boyfriend refuses your Words With Friends request for a rematch.

6.  There's no need to be embarrassed if you're having intestinal issues one day.

7.  You appreciate your time together much more.

The downside to being in a long distance relationship:

1.  Is it "Absence makes the heart grow fonder" or "Out of sight, out of mind"?

2.  Those days when you just need a hug.

3.  Your "Contact in case of emergency" would need to catch a plane before they could be there.

4.  You can't take your cute shoes with you in the interest of packing space in your carry-on.

5.  No one to stop you from breaking something in the process of trying to "fix" it.

6.  Also no one to kill large, creepy bugs.

7.  But most of all, not being with your favorite person in the world.