Day Forty Seven-Interpretation

I've mentioned several times about my obsession with signs.  I really do believe that the Universe sends us hints in the form of signs....coincidences....serendipity......unfortunately, to this day, I really have no idea on how to interpret those signs and sometimes it just kills me.
For instance, within the past few weeks I've had several misters from the past suddenly reappear.  POOF....out of the blue.  One sent a text...one of those "how have you been?" texts....another appeared in person....today I literally nearly ran into one merging onto the freeway....and then finally one who I blogged about (Agent J) appeared in my email inbox because apparently he is back on the dating site (no...don't worry, I won't bother him again).  WTF does it all mean???  Is it just random coincidences with no meaning whatsoever?  Is the Universe trying to tell me something? And if so, why can't the Universe spell it out clearly in Arial font size 12???
A few years ago I lost four very dear friends within about a year's time. All were near my age (or younger) and all happened rather suddenly and unexpectedly.  I had to take that as some sort of sign.  Besides the grief of losing people that I loved, I also felt the grief of things left unsaid. Everyone always says "I'm sure they knew how you felt.".......and, for the most part, I am sure that's correct.....but then why do I still feel regret at not having expressed those things?
So I took the message from that difficult time to mean that I need to consciously live my life with the absolute least amount of regret humanly possible.  Say too much....feel too much....try too much:
"I must learn to love the fool in me...the one who feels too much, talks too much, takes too many chances, wins sometimes and loses often, lacks self-control, loves and hates, hurts and gets hurt, promises and breaks promises, laughs and cries.  It alone protects me against that utterly self-controlled, masterful tyrant whom I also harbor and who would rob me of my human aliveness, humility, and dignity but for my Fool."
And while I am glad that I have come to this conclusion, it still doesn't explain the recent blast from the past as far as dating.  I realize that I live on an island but it still seems like way too much coincidence in a compacted amount of time.  If you figure it out, please let me know. Thank you.

Today's Song in my Head: Lone Justice - "Sweet, Sweet Baby (I'm Falling)"

Favorites: Love

Day Forty Six-Contemplation on Forever

I recently had a conversation with a girlfriend about why I, at 46, am still single.  On the one hand, I am flattered that people will actually question why it is...I'm assuming (hopefully accurately) that they ask because they think that I am a suitable enough catch to be in a happy relationship.  I think that I'm a relatively good catch.......save for the medical disorder (which I generally have under control)....the eccentricities (none of which are particularly frightening or life-threatening)....and the sixth toe sprouting from my left foot (it can be concealed in shoes)........I did say that I was a RELATIVELY (key word) good catch.
So my friend theorized that everyone has their wants.  What is it that you want in a partner?  Some go for stability...someone with a good career, looking to have a family, buy a nice house, save for retirement.  Others go for their twin...someone exactly like them, have the same hobbies, participate in the same activities, like the same food.  Others go for the emotional rush...someone who will push their buttons, keep them constantly on their toes, lots of great make-up sex.  She said it's much easier to find a match for your wants if your wants are pretty basic but when your wants fall in the realm of strange, mystical, metaphysical match-ups......well........it can be rather tricky and for the most part unfulfilled.  "Jody, you probably would be married by now if you were simply looking for a smart, funny guy with a decent career and maybe a dog....but you're always looking for something else....something indescribable."
Everyone always says that "you will just know" when you meet the right person for you.  WTF does that mean??  Do they smell right?  Or maybe it's because they DON'T smell?  Is it something they say?  Or do?  Do you know right away?  Or does it take months?  Years?  I'm probably really confused by it all because I've never been "in love".  No, I'm not a coldhearted bastard....I've loved many, many people throughout my life....but "in love"?  My qualification of in love would mean that you could see forever with this person.  I have never felt forever....I've felt next month....next year....even maybe a couple of years from now.......just not forever.
And sometimes I think that the older you get, the more difficult it becomes to find that person who fills the wants.  Perhaps because I've learned to fill most of them on my own at this point....a partner would probably have to bring something that I didn't even realize that I wanted and/or needed.  And how do you then ask/look for something when you don't even know what it is yet?  That's where the strange, mystical, metaphysical stuff comes in.  I told my friend that I could probably give her a very general idea of someone who I'd like to meet but honestly, I think the person that might be my forever is someone that I only know in my soul.  Is that the key?  Touch someone's soul and everything else falls into place?

Favorites: Winnie the Pooh

Favorites: Amélie Melts

Favorites: .....that's all

All a girl really wants is for one guy to prove to her that they are not all the same.