"You would be really pretty if you didn't have all those tattoos..."
(You might be really handsome but I can't tell with your head firmly planted up your ass like that.)
"I would really like to introduce you to Christ."
(Why? Is he single?)
"Do you have any full body pictures?"
(Yeah, I'm naked in all of them and they're all on the internet.)
"You said you're not sure about having children. Would you be open to changing your mind?"
(I'm not sure if I even want to email you, much less meet you, much less have sex with you, much less bear your bastard children...jumping the gun much?)
"I like women who dress very feminine, like dresses and heels, can you do that?"
(Well I usually only wear my stilettos to step on guy's penises every other Saturday...but maybe I can make an exception)
***No, I didn't actually send any response back to any of those emails***
And my favorite startling email:
"What was your time up Kokohead today?"
WTF!?!? A major pitfall to being distinctively tattooed is that people will recognize me off of a photograph....my response:
"I don't time myself but should I be worried that you're asking me this question?"
Kokohead Guy sent me a few more unrevealing (he had no photo), cryptic messages but I never did encounter anyone on the hill carrying a shovel, rope, and duct tape so I eventually stopped worrying.
And every once in a while someone will actually ask something interesting:
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